4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
