There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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