Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
