That's intense
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
