I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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