While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
