i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
