Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
