How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
