Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There r osticjed everywhere
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
