I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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