Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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