I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
