: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
