No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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