$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
