i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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