My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
