i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
