theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can you bring me the toilet please
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
