you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Never let your siblings swipe right.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
