we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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