I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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