there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
