bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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