What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just high enough for therapy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
