I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize