You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
True strength comes from lack of pants
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
