The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize