Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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