wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
