he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm too high and old for this...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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