If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we're so committed to being not committed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
