ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
