hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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