What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
