how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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