Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
