Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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