my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
