Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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