first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I still have a little drunk in my system
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
