david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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