hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize