My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
