Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
