Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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