There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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