the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
