I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
