In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
