There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
