the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
