it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
40s are totally the cure
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
