question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
