I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
