so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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