You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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