There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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