so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she smelled like a LAN party
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
