You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
