I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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