Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
