would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
