i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm really busy with my period
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