I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your penis caused this!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
