As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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