that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
