Apparently you make a good broom.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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