if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
