is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
